Pernicious Porcine Ponderings

In my in box this morning

evilpig — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 14:41:59 +0000

I got the most amusing spam:

Good morning, man.

Watch my tits!

Thanks.

In case you’re wondering, by “watch my tits” she means “get infected with a virus.” It’s like Nuevo Laredo except without the donkey.

So I have a fetish about women reading

evilpig — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 21:15:26 +0000

It’s not weird! Don’t judge me!!

http://babeswithbooks.blogspot.com/

http://rumplo.com/tees/tee/1473-progresswear-intelligent-design-isnt-t+shirt

What a way to start the day

evilpig — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 21:39:55 +0000

So this morning when I dismounted my bike, the bike seat caught on the seat of my pants and ripped a hole from the top of my ass to about mid thigh. Luckily I had a t-shirt at the office and am currently wearing it all McGuyver style. Which means I’m wearing it like a diaper with my legs shoved through the sleeves. I documented the incident through photos to share with you.

But, whole?

evilpig — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 16:25:23 +0000

Because of its infrequent use, I find butthole dirtier and more offensive than asshole.

Sometimes we pretend to be clever

evilpig — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:46:43 +0000

Rachel: my brain got rickrolled

me: happens to the best of us

is he going to be OK?

Rachel: he’s neva gonna give you up

that’s about all I know for sure

me: if he shows symptoms of letting you down or running around and forsaking you, you better get him to the hospital

Rachel: before he tells a lie and deserts me

me: well before the lie comes making you cry and saying good by

you have to watch for the warning signs

Rachel: get it before it goes terminal

me: i really hope he pulls through

i wish i could say more, but i don’t have the words. where’s halmark when you need them???

Yes, really.

evilpig — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:24:39 +0000

To all 2 of you that read this site, it won’t mean much, but I’ve deleted pretty much all my social networking entities. No more myspace, friendster, facebook, okcupid or twitter for me. I just have this one humble site in my own corner of the internets.

Top That!

evilpig — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 22:44:48 +0000

This is so fucking bad, I can’t even find the words to describe this. It’s like digging through your dad’s porn collection, finding a tape and popping it in the VCR to some hard core close-up and then when the camera pans out, finding out that you’ve been watching your parents do it. OK, take that icky feeling in your belly, multiply it 20 times and then put a turd on top just because, and this is still worse.

I’ve lived through the 89s and I know of no one that danced like this. Well except for the New Kids On The Block, but they were retarded so they get a slide.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WKa83iK7R4

And in case you want to sing along (you know you do) I’ve taken the time to type out the lyrics for you:

DOUCHEBAG:
I’m king, and they know it
when i snap my fingers everybody says show it
I’m hot
and you’re not
but if you wanna hang with me I’ll give it one shot
top that
top that
You can give it what you can, but you will never top that!
top that!
You can dream until you’re blue but you will never top that - huh huh

I’m hot
and you’re not
But if you wanna hang with me I’ll give it one shot
top that
top that
You can do all that you can but you’ll never top that
top that
top that

DOUCHEBAGUETTE:
Supersonic, idiotic, disconnected, not respected, who would really ever wanna go and top that?
Such a waste, a pretty face but hanging in your no one’s face
I wish that you would take a look and really stop that
Top that
well, stop that
I don’t really give a _ about tryin to top that
Top that
stop that
I wish you finally take a real look and really stop that

DOUCHEBAG:
Whats this

DOUCHEBAGUETTE:
stop that

DOUCHEBAG:
What gives

DOUCHEBAGUETTE:
stop that
I don’t really give a _ about tryin’ to top that

DOUCHEBAG:
top that

DOUCHEBAGUETTE:
big deal

DOUCHEBAG:
stop that

DOUCHEBAGUETTE:
unreal

DOUCHEBAG:
you can try until you’re blue

DOUCHEBAGUETTE:
i will make a fool of you

DOUCHEPARTY:
top that!

And I thought Black-Eyed Peas had lame rhymes. And that comes from the whitest Asian man on the face of the planet.

Meeting Vampire Men

evilpig — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 22:46:39 +0000

Google wants to help introduce me to vampire men in my local area.

Um yeah.

evilpig — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 16:54:36 +0000

And yes, alcohol was involved. And a butcher knife. And lots of hacking.

Ningen banji, saiou-ga-uma

evilpig — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 20:00:47 +0000

There’s a Japanese saying that goes like this:

Romanized it’s “Ningen banji, saiou-ga-uma.”

Translated it means “All human affairs are like Saiou’s horse.”

This is based on an old Chinese folk tale about a man named Sai. One day his horse runs away and all his neighbors consoled him on his bad luck. But he wasn’t convinced that this was the case. The next day the horse returned, leading a second horse. Sai also had a son, who was riding the horse one day only to fall and break his leg. The neighbors again sent their condolences for the bad luck and again Sai disagreed that it was necessarily bad luck. The ruler of the region then drafted all able bodied men to go into battle because he felt like conquering something. The son, due to his broken leg, couldn’t go.

This story was told to me by my cousin who is Japanese long ago and I’m happy it chose just now to crawl across my brain.